Mommy Guilt that Ebbs and Flows…

Continued from my previous post…

I can’t do it.  I just cannot have a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party, especially feeling so guilty that Connor really wants his party at home.  I called and cancelled.  Connor and I have compromised: he wants to run around, play games, and hula hoop, and I want him to do all of those things, just not in our house a few days before a major transition (brother moving in), a big vacation, and with our backyard in various and long phases of reconstruction.  On a whim, we stopped by the gym and they host birthday parties, had our date available, and Connor liked the set-up.  He was so adorable taking the tour, asking questions about his party, who would lead the games, etc.; he reminded me of a little old man buying a car versus an almost four year old considering how to live it up for two hours.  He’s happy, I’m happy, and the guilt fades.

Mommy Guilt and the Birthday Party

Guilt- such a useless emotion.  It accomplishes nothing and, left unchecked, it is draining.  Connor is turning four next month, which in itself is hard to believe.  When I was a kid it was enough to have cake and ice cream at home with the family and invite over a neighbor kid or two.  Nothing fancy, no big event, etc.  As I grew older, it became pool parties or slumber parties, but as a young child, it was simple, as I think it should be.

However, I am at a point where simple, birthday, and motherhood are not intersecting.  Connor, a boy after my own heart, wants his birthday party at home again this year.  Normally, that would be fine, but he wants to invite 10 kids.  Yikes!  And his birthday falls only two days before my brother moving into our house and us leaving on vacation…no stress there.  So, I’ve said cut the guest list or have it elsewhere, to which Connor responds that he still wants 10 kids running around our house.  And let’s not go down the path of how much I DISLIKE my house and yard.  Yes, I should be thankful, I know that.  I’m just not loving all the work we still have to do around this money pit, the boxy floorplan, the yard with no grass, the deck falling off the house, the big ugly shed, etc…Believe me, if I could sell it and get what I need for it, I would.  In this market, it’s not going to happen.  So my back-up plan is my brother, who wants to move home, gets to move in and the only thing I want in exchange is to call him Jose and make him the resident handyman and painter.  Sounds fair, right?

So, I did something I swore I’d never do- visited a Chuck E. Cheese.  We took Connor last Sunday, secretly scouting it as a birthday location and I called today to book his party.  I’m hoping Connor is more excited about this come party time, and while I do feel guilty that I’ve copped out of having his party at home this year, he did have options to work within.  We’ll still have family over for his actual birthday, but this will have to suffice for the party with friends.