One of our concerns with C being our only child thus far, and not for a lack of trying to expand the family, is that he will become accustomed to “the world revolves around the child” syndrome. I think we’ve done a very good job socializing him with other children through playdates, pre-school, Sunday School, Kids Praise, organized sports, swimming, etc. We’ve not had issues with sharing or “that’s mine.” We had a 9 hour playday last Friday and I thought for sure there would be one squabble to manage with the boys, but no, nothing. I can hardly stand to be around the same person for 9 hours straight, let alone negotiate what to do the entire time…who is the pirate and who is the captain…who is Superman and who is Spiderman…you get the picture. C exhibits manners appropriate for his age and does a fantastic job making new friends and cooperating at the playground, at school, etc.
So, I recently was in for a complete shock when we went to pack a bag for his school’s food drive and he FREAKED OUT that I was taking his food. Now, maybe I could understand that response if we were in need of food, but this kid eats steak and lobster some nights, so rest assured, he has enough PB&J to last him…and I wasn’t even in his “snack cabinet” but rather in our larger pantry with staples that he won’t even eat, such as rice. Maybe I could consider the reaction potentially normal if I took his last box of favorite organic mac and cheese, but the situation was nothing like that. And it gets worse…
We picked up two shoeboxes for Samaritan’s Purse Operation Christmas Child and I heard nothing but “I want that” when we shopped for the children. This is despite clearly explaining that some of these kids do not have homes, basic items, etc…nope, he still whined and moaned that we were not buying things for him. C was happy to pack the boxes and turn them in today, but I would have hoped he could have done it without being SO self-focused. And while we don’t allow him to watch channels that show commercials, we have allowed some Scooby Doo and Secret of NIMH this weekend, which had tons of commercials…and EVERY commercial is “Mom, can I have that?” The last straw was when C was making a birthday card for a friend yesterday and he refused to put just one of literally hundreds of his stickers on the card, to decorate it. When I forced him to decorate it, he picked out the smallest and least liked stickers he owned. And then he asked me to buy him a toy just like we bought his friend; after the party it was asking for toys the friend received from others. I told him I think Santa will just skip our house this year since C has more than he could ever want or need, yet he still wants more…what he has is NEVER enough for him. I don’t recall being that way as a child; I loved to give, and any feelings of entitlement I may have felt were soon dashed after volunteering as a young teen in 3rd world countries…no clean water, no electricity, and on one visit, no real shelter. Not only is it eye opening and humbling to see how the rest of the world lives, it is an experience I think every parent should consider for his/her children, the first purpose to serve others and in our case, spread the message of Jesus, and a side benefit being the clarity it provides to our perspective.
We’ve only allowed C to place three items on his Christmas list each year, since baby Jesus only received three gifts, so he’s used to and understands that. We’re also spending Thanksgiving morning packing and delivering food for those in need, but what I am talking about is so much more than that, it is the intrisic spirit of wanting to give, not being forced to give. What suggestions do you have? How do you instill a giving heart in a greedy child?
Carter has those tendencies, too. He is very compassionate, helpful, and knowledgeable of world issues, but sometimes… It helps to remember they are just five.
I say this not as an excuse. I think it is imperative to mold, model, encourage, and sometimes even require selfless giving and humble service. If you are confident we are doing that then we can allow some ‘grace space’ as they work through their selfishness.
We are all self-focused sinners, as adults we’ve been changed as believers or in our own practices and are learning to die to self daily. (Or in some cases we just learn to disguise our selfishness or hide it.) It is a daily decision though.
It’s hard not to panic, but 5 year olds are self-centered by design. They have outgrown their utter dependence on us and are finding their own identity. Character is in there, too. It just takes some time to all work out. We freak out, too and have made the ‘don’t you know how blessed you are…’, ‘there are kids in other countries who…’, etc. comments and threats. I think the fact that we try and care and model is most of the battle.
I also look for as many opportunities to give him an appropriate visual as possible. When we do OCC I have them watch the Sam. Purse videos to see what this all means, and we read books about other cultures (Children Just Like Me, etc.), and pray over the boxes. And yes, we still had some moments of resistance, but we are having an eternal impact.
Press on my friend
[...] is starting to understand and process what Christmas is all about. Very encouraging after recent behavior and I do credit it to him participating in a local missions opportunity and seeing that not [...]