Unwelcome News

I was traveling in Florida (for work) this week, enjoying some lighthearted time with my colleagues when news came that turned me numb, going through the motions to accomplish the work needed this week, while my inner thoughts and focus turned to “what can I control…what do I need to do?”

Mark had his latest set of esophageal biopsies on October 16 and, while I kept bugging him to give me the follow-up appt. to get on my calendar (and he delayed), it turned out that the follow-up would be while I was in flight to Florida.  So be it.  Mark went to the appointment hopeful, and thinking because he is doing “all the right things” in his course of treatment, that his condition of Barrett’s Esophagus would at least remain steady, versus progressing.  Nope.

This time he was diagnosed with stage 3 high dysplasia and the struggle is now how to treat.  His specialist has stated that we can no longer manage this locally and four major medical centers/universities have been recommended to us.  One of the top in the country is reviewing his slides and records and if they take us, we will likely travel there.  There is certainly no comfort of “black and white” here.  Does high dysplasia mean cancer?  Not in and of itself, but that is where it gets tricky.  High dysplasia is also defined as having cancer cells in the esophagus that do not yet have the ability to spread throughout the rest of the body…and/or UNDER the dysplastic cells, but not reached by biopsy, could be full-blown, invasive cancer cells.  This diagnosis is also known as “carcinoma in situ.”  Even more frustrating is this is not as simple as going in and cutting out the culprit cells.  We have about 4-5 treatment options in front of us, none desirable, and not one treatment is the cure.  What works for some does not work for others, and vice-versa…it’s just not clear.  Even the specialists disagree how to treat.  In addition to that, we learned that the stage 2 diagnosis we received this spring was likely a misdiagnosis, and that it was indeed stage 3.  Lovely.  Genetics don’t help either; Mark’s dad passed to cancer while in his 50s, and Mark’s brother at age 38.

And now, we are in that quiet and dreaded waiting period.  Next week we should know more to make a decision on one of the medical centers, and we should know if what Mark needs aligns with our top choice of centers.  And after that, it’s one step at a time, exploring our options, making decisions on treatment, etc.  This certainly is not the news we wanted to hear, on so many levels.  The cherry on top is that both of our employers decided to drop our very awesome Blue Cross/Blue Shield coverage with 2009 and both companies only offer Aetna.  Ugh.  Even with our best Aetna plans, C’s ear surgery that cost us $50 in 2006 cost us more than 10 times that amount with his repeat surgery this year, and I am still paying those bills, along with my own bills from a flare-up/scare with cyclic neutropenia earlier this year.  So thanks big business…way to NOT take care of your own.

I’ll post more as we have developments.

Quick Update

We are well and managing to avoind the H1N1 that has invaded our neighborhood and local schools!  It’s been a BUSY couple of weeks, but Kindergarten is the perfect fit for C.  As a mom, it’s reassuring to see him settled into an environment that challenges him and meets his needs academically, socially, and emotionally.  Tonight is the annual Halloween parade and I am on business travel again this coming week.  I will update more, with photos, soon.  In the meantime, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Decision Made…

…C is starting Kindergarten tomorrow.  Yes, this flies in the face of what I have been a staunch supporter of: boys are not ready for K at age 4, nor are most girls.  However, after observing the K classroom and the pre-K classroom this morning, the decision was clear, and C will still enroll in public K next fall, at age 5.  This whole experience has made a softer spot in my heart for those children who move during the school year, or move often.  C has been with the same little buddies since he was 2 1/2 and his whole little world is about to change tomorrow morning, and as a mom, I am adjusting to that.  I am learning (again) that the best solution is often not the most comfortable solution.

So, as we say goodbye to the little boys taking over the cabin on the playground, goodbye to more recess, and goodbye to some of the pre-K chaos, we welcome a new challenge, a new structure, and new friends.  One of the school staff members nailed it on the head when she asked me “are you hesitant the new class is not the right one for him, or are you having a hard time letting go, and letting go means transitions and changes?”  No hesitations on the on the class, but the rest of it sure rang true…I vascillate between fun/playtime and learning/structure for K next year.  Since our K program is full day and rigorous, I think making some of that transition now is the best choice, and it was nice to see that his new teachers are SO excited to have him join this class.  And they teach phonics- WOO-HOO!

We’re not expecting C to take this news well tonight, so we are softening the blow by going out to dinner and letting him choose his favorite place…and tomorrow starts with new friends, new routines, staying at school an hour longer, staying for lunch…and still getting to be a kid.  Here’s to a good night’s sleep and packing my baby’s 1st lunch for his first day of K!

Where the Wild Things Are Movie is NOT for Kids

Yep, I said it…this weekend’s top grossing movie is not for the kiddos…wish we knew that before we shelled out the big bucks after church today.  Like most kids, C has the book, has seen the commercials, and asked to see Where the Wild Things Are.  That sounded like a reasonable request and we accommodated.  All I can say is two thumbs DOWN.

The movie was hardly appropriate for kids…it is melancholy and at some level attempts to explore the complicated nature of relationships…it felt like 1.5 hours of psycho-symbolism (Freud anyone?) versus a kid’s movie.  The synopsis in a nutshell:  boy is wild, requires attention…sister ignores him, single mom is too engrossed in her own world…boy runs away and ends up on the island of wild things.  Instead of reprieve and acceptance, Max finds dysfunctional relationships amongst the wild things as well, and an attempt to fix the dysfunction fails as well.  Maybe it was because we just came from church, but it made me pause, reflect, and draw the conclusion of “so, this is what a God-less world looks like on film” as the characters pursued their own agendas and broke into maniacal rages.  Save your money, save your time, save having to attempt to explain this to your kids, and save yourself the talk you will inevitably need to have with your child that goes something like this…”was that a good choice?  How should Carol have handled feeling angry?  Do we act that way?  Do we speak to each other that way?  Destroy things?”

As one movie-goer commented upon exiting the cinema: “WHAT was I supposed to get out of that?  Don’t bite your mother?  Don’t throw snowballs?  What?”  Sir, I myself would like to know!  The ending was abrupt and useless and the overall theme of “wild thing- there’s one in all of us” places no focus on personal accountability and responsibility.  This is a case of a beloved children’s book being distorted and perverted by the Hollywood machine.

Dreary Saturday

I was up late last might FUMING over the school situation…which I don’t normally do because anger is such a wasted emotion. It doesn’t solve anything, does not improve the situation, etc…but I am still hopping mad.  And the more I thought through the situation, I am leaning toward the decision to place C in Kindergarten, but I am frustrated and sad for him that it will be a likely difficult transition, because it should have been made two months ago, and what has he missed?  I do plan to have an open conversation with the school administration once I have him placed where needed, so hopefully, other parents are not subjected to this frustration.  Ugh- it brought me to tears last night.

This morning did not improve much- I’m wildly angry and sad for C at the same time…no control is such a suck feeling and giving it to God is easier said than done.  C got us up at 7am on this drizzle filled Saturday and I decided to go to Wal-Mart to replenish all the groceries and household items. I should have known better- 3 hours later I still had quite a list to go since Wally World was out of 1/2 of our staples.  I was at least able to get ingredients for chili tonight, but still have Target and another market on our list.

On a good note, I ran into one of my favorite teachers from high school and it was such a treat to catch up with him, hear how semi-retirement is going, etc.  Connor got a kick out of meeting one of mommy’s teachers.

Finally, I did get quite a shock and laugh when C walked through the room singing “the backyard bitch”- after pulling myself together I googled it to learn he was trying to sing “The Backyard Beach” from Phineas and Ferb on the Disney Channel…and another funny I’ve heard recently is “Damn bones, damn bones…”